An interview with a mom whose child has special needs:
Can you share one or two of the early challenges you faced and how you felt when your child was diagnosed?
We knew very early on that our child was going to be unique in her needs. At four weeks old, we didn’t know what to do with her. She would scream and scream. I had read several books and then stumbled upon one that talked about sensory needs of a baby. We had to swaddle her super tight, rock her so hard that I thought it was going to hurt her, and put a sound machine up with white noise so loud we had to watch TV with closed caption on. It was the only way to soothe her. People would tell us that she was just colic, but as a mom I just knew there was something else going on.
As she moved into the toddler years, she hit her milestones early but never dealt with transition and change well. She would have tantrums and you could tell that she just was unhappy and irritable most of the time. As parents, we felt like we were missing something. Our pediatrician at the time even told us we should talk with a child therapist about parenting techniques, but we knew something just was not right. It was very frustrating and brought a lot of tension between my husband and myself.
As an educator, I was reading a book for research about how to help a student of mine. That, along with discussions with my neighbor, led me into seeing that there were needs that just were not being met and that our child was different but there was hope. Our first diagnosis came soon after that, and to be honest it was a relief to finally know that we now could get some direction in how to help our daughter.
Where was God in this challenge? Did you think about Him? Did you trust Him? Did you question Him? Were you/are you angry with Him?
The first few years of my child’s life, my husband and I were not walking with God. I was a believer, but had turned away from our Lord, and my husband was not a believer. It was incredibly difficult. Because we were struggling with how to deal with a special needs child, we often were so emotionally exhausted that we didn’t communicate. We slowly started to drift apart and were at the point of not talking except for essentials. It happened so gradually that we really didn’t even notice until it was almost too late. My husband called me one day and said that he needed some help – he wasn’t happy and was ready to pick up and leave our daughter and myself. It was at that time, I was desperate. Coming from a divorced family, this was the one thing I was adamant I did not want to happen to my child. I turned back to the Lord and asked my husband to go to church with me. God was at work and within a few weeks my husband had prayed for salvation and I had recommitted my life to the Lord.
The next year was amazing and God was working swiftly in our lives. God used a coworker of my husband to grow him spiritually and this pushed me as well. We were consistently going to church, reading scripture, and seeing God move us and direct us in ways we never imagined. As we continued to learn more about the difficulties we were facing with our child, and how we were going to have to endure the daily ins and outs of parenting with her, I turned to scripture.
I would start my days and end many of my days by reading these verses.
Isaiah 40: 29 – 31, He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and wary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
It was and is often the one thing that gives me peace and strength. At times, when frustration sets in, I cry to God asking him why? Why did he choose us for this child? How can I help her when I don’t know where to go? But he always shows me the way, usually when I am on my knees and just giving it all to him out of frustration.
How have you seen God’s love shine through this challenge? How has He helped you to face the challenges unique to your family situation?
Whenever my husband and I sit back and look at our life and the challenges we face with our special needs child, we are amazed at how God has used her to move us closer to him. Even now we can see how he has orchestrated our lives so that we would be prepared to help her. My first job in education, which I planned to only be in for a year, lead to a special education background. That job taught me so much of what I need to be an advocate for my child. He has put the right people in our lives to help us grow closer to him. By leading us to CBC, we finally were able to see what a true church family is all about. The more we became involved at church, the more we saw God’s hand at work and his love being poured out onto us through his people.
Having a special needs child has forced us to rely on God. There have been many times that the only thing I know to do is just pray. God has also brought a wonderful Christian therapist into our life, who also prays for direction when making decisions about our daughter. We have learned to trust God, and that he will show us the way. If we rely on ourselves, and what we think is right, we will get off track easily.
Proverbs 3:5 – 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Your child is a dear and unique creation of God. How have you seen God use her as a blessing to others?
Our daughter has an amazing heart for the Lord! She wants to tell all her friends at school, and all her family that is not saved, about Jesus. Seeing her eagerness for learning about Jesus and sharing the Gospel with others, continues to spark our heart. It reminds us that we should never be fearful or shy about telling others about Christ.
She is also very sensitive and it has taught us how to see things through her eyes. I can honestly say that my personality and way of dealing with frustration has changed because of her and how God has used her in my life. God has showed me how to listen and stay calm when all I want to do is scream.
James 1:19 – 20: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Also because of her needs and understanding, she is always encouraging her peers who are upset or sad. She can talk to them about her experiences and show them that they are not alone. Her patience with other children, especially those she sees as being upset, amazes me.
We know that God has a special place for her in his kingdom, along with all children who have special needs.
1 Corinthians 12:18 – 25: But in fact, God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
Even though we may not understand why she has the challenges she does, God does. And our understanding of her needs has allowed us to help others. Because of her difficulties, we are better able to empathize and understand what other parents are going through who may be in the same situation. Our struggles with her have allowed us to open up and share our faith with those who we may not have encountered otherwise.
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