What role does forgiveness play in having healthy boundaries?
Healthy boundaries allow us to freely forgive.
Forgiveness is truly one of the most beautiful aspects of embracing healthy boundaries. With appropriate and clear boundaries, I have the strength to move forward personally through forgiving, by releasing others from their bad choices that have bled out in to my life.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
~I will forgive through Christ’s power and strength. I know I can’t do this on my own, but I know that Christ wants me to be free, no longer burdened and so I lean on Him for the ability to forgive. Forgiveness releases that other person from having to make payment or restitution to me, and disconnects me more than anything else possibly can from another person’s chain of poisonous choices.
I have been locked up in someone else’s chain of poisonous choices before, and not by anything I would have chosen or through fault of my own. Hateful words and unkind actions snake out quickly and can incapacitate me if I allow them to do so. But through the process of forgiving, I no longer have to be bound up tight and rendered useless. When I begin to feel a chain of someone else’s choices wrapping around my heart and my mind, I can choose to identify the issue, I can choose to forgive in Christ’s power, and I can step forward in freedom.
~Giving forgiveness does not mean I purposefully expose myself or others under my care to physical, emotional or spiritual harm. In these circumstances, I will pray for that person from a safe distance and limit contact to healthy amounts of time.
I have someone in my life who illustrates this concept. Months ago, as I walked away from yet another conversation with “Jo” feeling side-swiped and emotionally bruised, I was frustrated that no matter how kind I tried to be the relationship was sour and bitter. Later, after some time thinking through the situation, I felt God’s direction to forgive her (again) but to limit my contact with her; in other words, I have to maintain healthy boundaries for my own heart (Proverbs 4:23). Though I still occasionally have contact with her, by forgiving and limiting our time together I enjoy a greater level of personal peace and health.
If you have time today, I encourage you to look up I Samuel 26:2-24. It is a Biblical illustration of how David kept very clear boundaries from King Saul who habitually tried to harm David. Take note in verses 21 and 22 of how King Saul says “all the right stuff” and invites David back in to relationship with him, yet David wisely keeps a healthy boundary in place even as he lives out an attitude of forgiveness towards King Saul.
Given the Time 